Natural Disaster or Wrath of God

First it was the Tsunami which we thought was one of the worse natural disasters of late. Then comes the Hurricane Kartina which devastated much of the gulf coast states. It was reported that the disaster struck area as bigger than the size of Great Britain.

Some say its the worse "Natural Disaster" to date. Could it be that it was more of God's wrath on human kind? Isn't it ironic that the country with the latest and expensive technology has been hit worse than the tsunami and that there were more ill prepared for this than the country hit by Tsunami? As it was quoted, even people in india/sri lanka did some sort of barricade to prevent the water from flooding in. But who are we to judge since we are not that first hand to experience it.

I feel it could be God's way of teaching the human kind to be more humble. Have you realized that over the years human race has become so arrogant that they think everything is in their own hands even to the extend of creation of the race? thru clonning ,etc.

I have never been to New Orleans :P it was one place I wanted to go but was unable to , during the time when I was in the US. Time was too short.. too many states to visit. If you will and have the time visit this web site...
http://www.lifesite.net/ldn/2005/sep/05090111.html

I read the herald today, its so sad to know that there is no longer religious tolerance in this country. The Herald is a weekly publication with regards to the catholic happenings around the world and local. today's herald tells of break-ins to church, theft and vandalism. Yeah this is in our very own country.

A church in Masai, Johor has been broken into, the tabernacle has been destroyed and the hosts thrown and scattered all over the floor. The altar was badly damaged. And another church st. theresa's has been broken into as well and vandalise and when report was made to the police, police has advice the church to play a private security guard around the church premises.

Think about it! Why does it have to come to this. Where is our tolerance for difference or religion. Gathered that its a church and not a mosque so everything is kept hush hush and things are swept under the carpet. Think of it, if it was otherwise what a public outrage it would have bcome and a big big big issue and probably appear at all the front pages of the local papers.

Whos in the wrong? Parents? Govt? all of us? human race?
Of our "don't give shit" attitude?

Maybe all these so-called natural disasters is a way to teach us a lesson. To wake us up from our arrogance.
Maybe its time, we stand together and pray not only for ourselves, our religion , our family but for all human race to go back to the basics of life. And realized that with all the knowledge we have, we are nothing if we cannot live in harmony, in tolerance and in a civilize matter.

Maybe we can all add this to our daily prayers everynite bfore we go to bed. Wouldn't you want to live in a world that is peaceful and filled with harmony?
don't wish lets at least start with ourselves with of course with God's grace.

Forgiving oneself

Is forgiving oneself a difficult task? I believe so. Sometimes we are more critical of ourselves and others.

I have been doing some soul searching. One question that I asked myself lately, was why do I feel sad and tears starts rolling down my face when I think of my late sis-in-law. Next week on the 8th of Sept 2005, will mark her one year of departure form us all.

I began to realize, could it be that i can't forgive myself that I am also hurting that she is now gone from my life? That I no longer have a chance to remedy the situation!?

She has never really been close to me. I believe I am feeling this way, becoz I never did have a sense of closure. I believe i didn't help her enough when she was alive and ill. Maybe during her times of need I was not there. And now when she's gone I feel guilty about it and unable to help her now. Would it had been better if I had actually said sorry to her or asked for forgiveness for the times I didn't see her cry for help?

Maybe its time I learn how to forgive myself?
Maybe its time I learn to love myself more?
Maybe its time I learn to open myself more to people's love?
Maybe its time, I ask God to forgive and Let Sarah knows that deep down inside we all miss her? Or could it be I can say that to her myself and she is able to hear me?
Its just a bunch of maybes. But it could be the remedy for me, no?

My Natural State

hmmm... so is being lazy my natural state.

My colleague made a comment lately. Well we were planning some exercise program rite.. but sheis those type who wants to go to the gym everyday in the week. And on top of that 2 times for yoga.

Me on the other hand plans only to go 3 times a week and yoga once a week. So she blatantly said, you're so lazy!

Yeah whatever , lets just say, I like to do things moderately. Not to get hurt... well at least I don't starve myself like her in her pursuit to be thin like a lidi. She is already so skinny.. and hunch alittle bit coz she so thin but yet everyday she talks about how she needs to lose weight.. siow or what!

people like that deserve to be placed and not allowed to leave the asylum :P

I want to lose weight too.. But my moto is NEVER EVER SUFFER FOR FASHION OR BEAUTY.

hehehe.. so whats my natural state? LAZY or Comfort.. hehehee

KEKEKEKE....

The Eve

The Eve of Independence Day is here. For the last couple of weeks, the media has been reporting alot on this. Reflecting back to the good old days. Getting the veterans who actually experienced the memorial moment to recount the experience.

Getting the young generation to share their views of what they hope the country is or will be. What they hope to see..

You start asking yourself questions. You have been living here long enough but has things really changed? I was lucky to spend 3 years in the US of A and I loved it there. No doubt being in the mid west there is such thing as racism but its very mild.

If you have read any of those articles in the papers, you would noticed that alot of people mentioned about Bangsa Malaysia. Have you ever asked yourself whether thats just merely 2 words everyone caught on or is it the reality here?

To me, I believe that what everyone hope it is. But it is not so, at all. How can you claim we are there, when you see so much distinction in how everything is divided? Everything is categorized? Its kinda sad.

One thing i hope for this 48th Independence day is that people will just not merely say these two words but make it reality. Recognize what the situation is right now and make a conscious effort to change or make a difference. Eliminate the need or desire to see difference as a bad thing but strive to make the difference invisible.

If one is to just preach that we are multi-cultural env and so proud of it. I can say that many countries are multi cultural these days... so what would make our country any different? The Tolerance?

Of course, I am just writing based on my feelings with no intention of insulting any party. I am writing to express how I feel being a citizen.. and my hope as a citizen of this place :)

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

I watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory today!!! Awesome... its a damn good one and I laughed all the way.

I enjoyed it to the max. I would definitely recommend it.

But as usual malaysian crowd dont' quite get some of the jokes... Dweebs....

But was good fun.

Go watch it if you can.

Finally.... but then.....

To perm or not to perm
To cut or not to cut
To color or not to color!?

That was the question that ran thru my mind for the last couple of weeks. Seriously I was trying to make a difficult decision while my fringe or banks as they would say it in the US was bugging the heck out of me coz it was just sticking into my eyes.

Then Today, I decided, its about time - its to do or die case. So I called the hair dresser. Yeah the one which i only pay RM13 for a hair cut. Asked her if there is alot of people there? She said nono good time to come. Asked her over the phone, what type of color do you have ah? She goes, LOTSSSSS come and choose.

Fine, i went there, I was looking for the shade of chestnut rite? In my hurry to find it, i actually couldn't find it. Then I found it.. WAAA WEE.. the color. I then told her... she went.. errr.. becoz the color of your hair is dark I would need to put a color lighter.. Dang it she put copper. And I have to say, I am not quite happy lah.... coz the top looks kinda reddish.... I not ang mo mah.........

Anyways.... next time will go with the convention shade.. Brown............probably a medium brown...

So now i got to live with it for awhile..... For RM65.. i guess it didn't really burn a whole in my pocket unlike my friend who paid RM300 for her color hehehee.
By the way RM65 inclusive of the trim ... :P

Progress....

Its interesting that just last week, I attended a talk on the environment in my office. The talk was basically conducted by CETDEM. Its a non-profit organization based here in the country.

It was interesting how he said eventho' we claim we have progressed but data and stats gathered basically showed that only 2 areas we have progressed in - poverty and the other is 'can't remember already'.Anyhow, transport and such hasn't progressed abit since the time we gain independence. I guess when he spoke about transport he was talking more in the context of public transportation.

As we all have experience, taking public transportation in this country is hillarious. Takes a huge amount of your time esp the waiting period. If you are one who hasn't had the oportunity to experience this, you must be the sort that is pampered like crap. The ones born with a silver spoon or one that is fortunte enough to have a car to drive around.

I travel by public transportation when i was in the local college doing my credit transfer program and when i came back from studying abroad, I travelled everywhere by public transportation. The biggest frustration comes from the waiting period and the uncertainty wehther the bus would come or not.. or wehther the train would break down ( the train or rather the commuter only came into existence after I graduated and came back.)

Always have to plan at least an hour buffer zone. Imagine huh? Bloodee waste of time huh.

I hope that govt will look into this area soon enough before more people leave the country and leave another brain drain - which in fact i think would never be healed.

Interestingly today, I heard in the training I am attending - an indonesian man said this...
I love my country but doesn't mean I love my govt but I still have to obey my govt. :)

Can we be like him looking at the beauty of the country independent of the govt? Takes a lot of conditioning?

I dont' know!

Just Like Heaven

Just Like Heaven is a book which is just read. Its written by a male author named Marc Levy. A frenchman.

I went to Kino one day after work last week and saw the book. But I didn't buy it then. As you know books are kinda expensive here in this country in comparison to other countries. So I had to think it over.

But I went home and just kept thinking about the book... So i decided to get it last tuesday.

Just like Heaven is a great read. Its funny, sad and very touching. I am surprised that this romance story written by a male is actually very enjoyable. The way the describes things and how he puts it into words. Thats awesome. I guess thats what makes a good writer.

I enjoy the book coz it describes the places so clearly that you feel you're in there yourself. Another thing is this book is based mostly around San Francisco - my fav place in the US of A.
Dreaming of falling in love and living in San Fran. Sounds crazy no? coz San Fran has a high population of gay :P All the good looking men will already be taken by men :(

By the way, this book has been made into a movie. I wonder tho' - it definitely must take a good script writer to transform all those beautiful phrases and words into movie.....

What to do, I am a sucker for romance :P
Which I am still yet to find one myself.....

Haze oh Haze

Haze oh Haze,
why don't you leave us be,
your presence is making me suffer
your presence will kill me eventually
from inability to breathe properly.

Haze is such a nuisance. I will go home this weekend.. to a place where the reading for the haze is at the 500+ level. Even with the current haze level in KL, my sensitive nose is already sufferring........

My throat feels horrible too....

Please Haze Leave us Be.

Weird Dream

Last Week I had the weirdest dream.

I dreamt myself being in a church. But funny thing is the pews were very close to the next pew and instead of the wood thing that you use to kneel down instead its like thos pedals you find on stationary bicycle?

thats not the weird part, I saw twins that looked exactly like my sis-in-law. I approached one of them and said.. ehhh you look like my sister in law and she actually said.. yeah sarah.

Whats the msg I wonder!? i haven't had visions about her since the 9th day mass we had for her.

As you know I lost my sis-in-law , sept 8th 2004. Funny she should appear in my dream. Wonder what the msg is....

and visions has been very rare these days with me. Esp with my state of low spirituality.

But I often think of her now and then.. esp when i look into the eyes of her children. We have never been close but I have tried to help her during her time of difficulty fighting the killer disease. For her 2 killer diseases.

I find it hard to talk about her.. It just bring tears to my eyes each time. I wonder if thats normal?

Harry Porter and the Half Blood Prince

I have Finally finished reading that book. This book took me longer than the other Harry Porter books. Why? Probably coz there were too many filler chapters.

Anyways.. the story is so-so. Since there is a major character chopped off in this chap, i wonder how the next book is going to be.

Anyhow I will still buy the next book tho, its gonna be the last one.

Just bought a book yesterday from kino. Hopefully its good.. :)

If the opportunity arises

These couple of weeks, I have been thinking lot. Well yeah I know this is my normal form anyways rite.. some of you might think :P

Seriously tho, if the opportunity ever arises for to go back to university to study. I would definitely go into the field of psychology. Why? That was my initial interest anyways but due to some reason i couldn't pursue it. Its a long story, and I think its high time for me to look forward and not keep hanging on and blaming that situation.

Why Psychology. well... after giving it alot of thought. I felt that its what I am interested in and futhermore, going into that field would give me a better footing if I decide to join those international organization. If i opt not to do that but instead go back into the corporate world, I am able to do that too.... so its huge new world for me.

But my unfortunate monetary state doesn't permit me to pursue this. As I do not and wouldn't have that kind of money to finance myself anytime soon. Age is also catching up.

Hence, I am looking for maybe some study grant, stipen or some sort to finance this. But alas, I do not know that many people out there.

Hence my readers, if you know of any leads.... do let me know.... drop me a line.. Give a hand to this poor soul here.....

I have never been more certain that this field is what I am interested in.

:)

Do you want to know who I am?

Who I am From an Artist impression of me.

This portrait was drawn while I was on vacation at Toronto in year 1995 , 1/2 a year before I graduated. Such a long time ago aye....

Well it was actually an asian street artist. A lady infact. I obviously took off my glasses when she drew this :P

so what do you think?

:)

Full House

No... Am not talking about the Bob Saget - Full House Sitcom.

There is this Korean series showing on TV these days. Full House is basically the house which is by the seaside.. home for this couple who married based on convenience not love.

The house is my ideal sorta house, if you remember me talking about it in one of my previous post. I talked about a house by the seaside

This house is by the seaside with a long stretch of seashore.... big house... glass surroundings.

But I guess this remains a dream !?

Down the Drain.

You know.. i had so many topics to write.. but alas.. when I actually got a chance to login . Everything just disappeared from my mind.

Its blank now....

Sigh.. i wonder why would people even bother to read my blog...

Just some boring crap... :(

Petrol up again!!!!

Gosh the last petrol hike was in May. Its just 2 months and now its up by another 10 cents. what the heck is going on. The previous hike in diesel , there was a big hoo haa...

now everyone is afraid of a domino effect. Which i assure you will happen as diesel is also going up by 20 cents.

I wish people would think deeper before doing this.

what future is left man.....

Gaji tak naik, semua lain naik!!!

Life Style

LifeStyle... what does that word mean to you? We are of various backgounds and likes. So whats your cup of tea?

As i mentioned in my previous post, I met up with a friend from AU. She lives in Darwin. And I have known her for years!!!! Almost 10 years now.. or more. But she visits once awhile.

She lives with her partner who works as a policeman or rather a snipper. WHen I asked her about what she usually does after work or how her life style is... She said my life is very simple.

I love to just take a walk. Sit by a cafe, have a drink of coffee and enjoy the big Australian sky.

wow!!!!

When I look at my life right now, it seems so pale in comparison to hers. I work and then I mope about my so unexciting life...... I can go sit by a cafe but then.. i will just breathing in pollution :P

I used to have this dream. Even as young as school days. I wanted a high flyer's job , I wanted a house by the beach that I can come back to and enjoy the sound of waves beating to the seashore.

But now, I no longer have a dream. All I think about is the fear of passing each dreadful day.

The Madness Has Begun...

As we all know, the Madness of the Malaysia Mega Sales has began yesterday. Well I was to meet a friend who is visiting from Australia. And I went to the KL city to meet up with her but i used my discreation and decided against driving to KL.

You know, how its like all them madness, the rush just becoz there's a sale?

We had dimsum and then walked about... at KLCC. My goodness, I can hardly see anything, everyone is like rushing about as tho everything is free!!!! total madness.

My head was spinning after awhile. Then I then just resorted to waiting for my friend while she shop. Don't get me wrong, I am a big shopper myself. But all this rush is really not a very condusive env for me to do my shopping. And I am those type who has to think abit before i buy something hehehee. So that kinda waste abit of time loh.

Anyways... i will still go shopping... but it would probably be on a weekday and not weekend.... :P

But it has to be smart shopping... as I have decided to save to my rainy days.... which can happen at any time... It knows no mercy or time.

To Put or Not to Put

Recently, I have been thinking about putting my picture in this blog. Since i find it too plain and can't really find an exciting template.

G - introduced me to blog skin.. but what the heck, dont' even know how to use it. Spend enough time at work with this IT shits, so I don't think I want to blow my brains out trying to figure out. Not right now. Maybe later :)

Then I guess I have decided against it. Coz funnily, I have a knack for remembering faces and name. I once saw a photo of a person in match.com. And I actually saw this person at a mall and recognized him.

So I think there is a danger of that hehehe.
But I am looking for the portrait which was drawn by a street artist in toronto of me.. when I visited toronto while i was still a student in the US of A.

I will try to locate it and then post it okay....

Gotham IT!!!!

Hehe. Got your attention didn't I?
Well I have to say, I am abit late but I just finished watching Batman Begins.

Remember the Guy I mentioned in my lunch at the temple update? Well I saw him again today!?!?!? On the big screen that is... In BATMAN Begins. If you wondered how the guy at the temple looked like, he looked like Christian Bale but the difference is that guy has blue eyes and.... has nicer looking teeth hehehe.

Sorry ya, but Batman's teeth kinda like dracula's abit lerr.....

So now you know how handsome that guy is huh. Hopefully i will bum into again someday.........but in real life of course and not on the big screen.....................

This one Phrase

Recently, I have a colleague who joined the same day as I have and we happened to be both in the same team.

He is very young interms of his experience in the working world. After 7 months in this company, he kept saying.. nobody cares! you have to care for yourself. Coz at the end of the day, nobody cares!

What he speaks is of course the truth. In a world where dog eat dog, do you think that the very person you so called friend at work would never ever backstab you when it comes to a situation whereby that person have to save him or herself?

In in the actual world out there, NOBODY CARES! whether you live or you die. What you're sad or happy. Whether you're lonely or dying.

thats reality. Thats what the world has become today.

Harry Porter and the Half blood prince

Yesterday was the lauching of the book worldwide. We didn't preorder.
So my brother went to get the book and it cost him 99.99 ringgit. He very sakit hati hahaha.

The last book i bought, also hard cover and i paid 10 ringgit less.

i have read all the harry porter books. Eventho' there has been contraversial stuff about it esp being christian and all and what the pope thought about it and the church.

to me its just fiction. I am not a kid , I am an adult who knows how to distinguish between whats true and whats not. Furthermore, I would agree, I wouldn't let my kids read, if I had any that is. Coz i don't think kids has the maturity to differentiate whats fiction and whats not.

:)
So......................... will be reading it soon.................

Procrastination

Okay I have to admit. I have a long list of things to accomplish. But I can't just bring myself to do it.

I guess I am just a great procrastinator. I just want to sleep and can't seem to bring my big but out of the couch once i get home.

In a way its good... i usually... just lie down on the couch after a shower.. i get tired.. sometimes skip dinner. So that part is helping me lose weight but also helping me being weak. Hmm.. see always pros and cons in very damn thing.

i am due to clean up my room but too lazy. Coz weekends.. is the only day, I don't have worry about what to eat as my mom does the cooking therefore I just sleep and wake up to eat. Yeah a pig.

I think I need some reform in my life.

the 4 areas of life that i believe everyone should focus on
1) Family
2) Social
3) Work
4) Spiritual
Not in any particular order.

I just need to break this chain of procratination and move on with things.

Do you like my New look?

Hey peeps,

So far I have changed my template afew times. Do you like this one better than the 2 previous ones?

Opnions please..............

Can't seem to find the perfect one that I want.

Lunch Time on Friday...........

Yesterday, I had lunch with 2 of my colleagues at the temple. Yeah at the temple. They do have sort of a food like thingy. Actually its just mix rice and they also have a stall that sells noodles and another to sell fruits. Pretty cheap really. Its vegetarian, naturally.

So whats so great about lunch at the temple yesterday. I saw the most gorgeous guy. I usually pick the seat and today's seat was right on!!! It wasn't intentional. I saw down first and 2 tables away were a group of mat sallehs. The gorgeous one was at the fruit stall and suddenly he sat facing me and i had a great view of him too...

Holly smolly.. the most gorgeous blues eyes and brown hair..... gosh.. and since it was pouring cats and dogs.. they sat there for quite awhile. So I had a real cuci mata session hahahaa..
Obviously I couldn't tell anyone else as 2 of my colleagues were guys and they were seated facing me... hahahahaa...

Gosh... but i guess that image would now remain as a fantasy...........

just ....

Lately, I have logged on into bloggers and then sign in and then signed out. Didn't know what to write eventho' almost always during the day, I have something in my mind to write about.

blogger's block? only if there were such thing.

Lately, I am a walking zombie again.
I sleep at the earliest times possible and wake up only feeling even more tired.
I set the alarm at 6am... stay in bed... say my prayers... and askingGod to help me for the day.

the only update i have is that... i probably dont' have a future in my current co coz I dont'know how to play politcs and my boss said to me that I need to be visible to be able to move up. I am a low profile person. Hard working, reliable.... always tehre when you need someone for support, help. I guess in the corporate world , that ain't enough.

I got my phoneline. But since no streamyx, its bloodee slow. Dial up is driving me up the wall.. but I ain't gonna spend more money.

Thinking about

Just a few days ago, I wrote down on a piece of paper while at work.

Thinking about ....
- A different sort of life
- Mr. Right
- sleeping ZZZZZzzz
- old friends
- Jason S.
- a flexible job
- Italy
- a life in Italy
- academic work
- not being cooped up in a box for 8 hours....
- leaving the corporate world

Religion and Me

I would to comment on what a friend wrote in one of my comment...

"I can feel the religion is really really get into u.

It's a good thing!"

Religion! Its such a complicated thing. Whats it to me? Its a journey that over the years,that have bought alot of ups and downs in my life.

Am I , a religious person? I personally feel that I have a long way to grow in this. Eventho' I have been a catholic for years almost my whole life. But its such a thing that when you look at the graph, you would see the up points and the low points.

I have had my despairs in life many times more than never. I have doubts that would not leave me till today. I haven't been able to cross the line where I totally have no doubts and my believe is as strong as the rocks that builds the foundation of the cliff.

Am I really into religion? Well religion gives a sense of groundedness when I need it. No matter how much i argue sometimes against certain things or I am angry with God for all the trials He puts my family thru and myself thru. I still go back to Him. Why? Why, indeed. Maybe deep down in my heart I know that there is a powerful force out there that controls everything, knows every step I take. I know that eventually when I knock hard enough, He will listen and make my life/ sufferrings a bit better.

I do not want to compare my life with the less fortunate here. As I truely know and I see this everyday of my life - how fortunate I am. Yet.... deep down inside I have my problems. My family has problems that God keeps putting in our path. We are not bad people. We follow religious teachings but of course not to the extent of being a fanatic. so you can't help but question why.

So I just want to say, I have no choice but to hang on to something that I pray and believe will help me get thru this cruel life on earth and build me a path to be with my creator.

I dont' know if I make sense. But what I am trying to say is that, I would not give up my religion for anything even love but I go thru periods where I hate having a religion too where I am govern to be nice when the world is so cruel to me....

I shed tears when I look and realize that it's better to be bad then good when being good will only make you end up last. Being nice is only being taken advantage of.

I am not perfect, and I wouldn't say that I have reached the spiritual level where I am just able to ignore what the world offers... But I am glad to say that I truely Strive to do good and my best.

I dont' know if things will change in the future.

personality and work life

Recently, my boss sent the team an invitation asking us to go to globalsmart and do a personality test. According to her , this is to foster better working env. Anyways, only 2 ppl did , myself and another girl and of course my boss.

At the end of the questionaire you're suppose to select to compare with the team mates.
HOlly Smolly, I am the totally opposite of my boss. I am direct while she is not (cunning fella), I don't care about class or status, while she does... eeeeeeee and there are other comparison.

So will this personality revelation cost me the chance to climb up in this CO? Perhaps...

The Packaging

Do you notice something about the picture posted above?

If not please look at the top of the packaging shown- notice it says Wet disposable towel?

and at the bottom it says "The Finest Cuisine in Town"

Excuse me... do you consider a wed disposable towel as a cuisine!?!?!?

hehehhee... i took this back from a wedding dinner i attended tonite... weird huh.

Interesting packaging.. so i thot i better take a picture of it and post in my blog before its all forgotten kekekekee.

Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas

Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas by James Patterson.

This was the second book I was talking about but maybe this was his first romance novels.

The story? Its quite good but its written in a total different way, like how one would write a diary for future keeps. Its really touching. But in the beginning of the novel, suzanne said this .... its very meaningful and I would like to share with you........

A friend once told Suzanne a story and it goes like this

" Imagine life is a game in which you are juggling five balls. The balls are called work, family, health, friends and integrity. And you're keeping all of them in the air. But one day, you finally come to understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. The other four balls - family, health, friends, integrity - are made of glass. If you drop one of these, it will be irrevocably scuffed, nicked, perhaps even shattered. And once you truely understand the lesson of the five balls, you will have the beginnings of balance in your life......."

TRUE?
i believe so.. if only everyone can find courage to know it and do something about it.

The routine of life will kill you.... and before you realized you're a feeble old woman or man.

Where Have They All Gone?

One thing I like to do is - naturalistic obversation. I dont' feel weird dining alone or walking alone. Hey what the hey, I even watched movie alone before.

When I am waiting for people or when I am seating alone eating or in the LRT or monorail I like to obverse things.

Yesterday, I was out riding the public transportation. Drove, parked somewhere, took the LRT and then walked some and then boarded the monorail. Throughout my journey i was observing my surroundings.

One thing that kept poping into my mind is - Where has all the good looking people gone? I mean.... all the ones I saw i would definitely consider below avg lah... Seriously. I mean I am not saying I am looker or anything but you know like any one else you want to see something soothing to the eyes. When I was in the US, they were everywhere... Cute guys at every corner , every nook. What happened to the asian men??? that bad gah?

Anyways, since there was nothing to cuci mata with, I found something else. You know, the smell of damp clothes or those that never go the sunshine much? That pungent smell..
It kills me when the LRT or monorail is so packed and it reeks of that smell. Gosh makes me wonder if these ppl know they stink. if they realized it, why did they still wear those clothes.

How many of you have taken the public transportation lately? Have you seen any good looking people around town.... ?

TM : Dirimu bukan sekadar nombor

Ye KE?!?!?!? Semuanya cuma kata-kata kosong.

Bila anda memandu di jalanraya, papan iklan ini kelihatan di mana-mana. Sungguh menyakitkan mata. Bagi saya, bukan saja, ia menyakitkan mati tetapi menyakitkan hati....

Diriku memang sekadar nombor bagi TM. Sejak saya, menjejak kaki di kedai TM pada bulan februari, rasa kecewa saya adalah tidak terhingga. Kenapa dikatakn begitu, itukan yang anda sedang fikir?

Ceritanya panjang. Tapi pendek kata, kalau nak lafaskan slogan begitu, TM mesti ada "action" yang boleh menyakinkan rakyat malaysia yang mereka adalah sungguh dgn slogan mereka.

Sejak feb sehingga kini, talian telepone masih tak ada. Sedih................

Pendek kata.... Sehingga hari ini, diriku cuma sekadar nombor rujukan.... and kawasan tinggal saya cuma sebahagian daripada kaji siasatan mereka... and pelanggan yang mungkin boleh jadi sebahagian daripada pendapatan mereka, sedang mencari jalan lain untuk mendapatkan talian telepone, kalau boleh tidak dgn TM. Tapi, kebanyakan kawasan adalah kepunyaan TM.

So TM!!!! BUCK UP......

The Falls..............

this was part of my 4x4 trip... beautiful aye??

More to come............ when I get the time and mood to do it.. but shall do it before it becomes an old and stale story...............

Weekend is almost over

Remember my previous post where I said that I will snooze my brains out? ehehe Well I kinda did....
u
But even with that i managed to finish a book I just borrowed last week and completed the whole book yesterday and what more a book I just started reading yesterday. Yes, I have to admit I do read books prett fast. Therefore, these days, I try to borrow books more than I buy. Coz at the end of the day, i dont' want to be collecting more books when I don't have any place to keep em.

The book I just read is called Sam's Letter to Jennifer. Uh huh, you got that right, its a love story but the ironic thing is, its written by a man : James Patterson. this is the very ever first book in terms of love story that I have read which was written by a MAN. Its interesting that when you read the book, it kinda doesn't stick to your mind that the writer is a man. But truely its a book worth readin... for male or females. Its poignant and talks about love and life. So many beautiful quotes in there. I am gonna borrow one of his other books... another love story. But he is actually not a romance writer , he wrote books like The 4th of July and many more those category books. But the two i just mentioned were his only 2 romance books.

On sat morning, before I went for my facial, I was watcing channel 17 ( my fav channel - when it has nice things on) and there were showng the great outdoor adventure. Its how this couple of guys tried to conquer mount cotopaxi in Peru i think. How the stuff one guy said in there was so meaning. How cotopaxi is not for conquering. They can only reach the peak if cotopaxi allows it. They almost didn't make it 2 times and had to fall back. It made them realized that they didn't respect it enough. It was totally awesome how it was said. Anything on mother earth you can only experience if the big power allows you to................... Cool huh.

I love hearing quotes like that or statments like that. I started couple of years ago , where i kept this notebook and i wrote down all the quotes that touched me. Well after I left my pervious company, i sorta misplaced the book. Yeah I kinda misplaced alot of things in my life too... SIGH.

This is part of me that you shall learn more... as you get to learn more about me. I am a sentimental person... in alot of ways.... but by me talking about this doesn't really count. I would like you to know me when you read my blog. Of course I have to be honest to say that I would not in anyway, make myself read like an open book. Its not my style....

Also, lately, I have been having thoughts about moving to Italy.Why? Dunno ,maybe the idea of having the chance to live near a monastery and find solace is very enticing at the moment. Maybe it things permit, study philosphopy as its a subject matter that interest me as much as psychology does. :) I do not have any idea how my life would proceed after this or where things will lead me. But I do know I am tired of fighting. My fighting spirit is going down hill and I am resigned to let fate take me where faith wants to lead me.

The overrated........

Watched Mr & Mrs Smith yesterday.......... Its WAY OVERRATED!!!!!!

My friends and I thought this would be good movie. we usually wait till the show shows at our cheap cinema which charges RM5 after the movie has shown for awhile. But my friend who kept telling us that she wanted to watch in a confortable cinema and was willing to pay RM11 for it. HAHAH OH BOY! was she disappointed.

Granted that Brad Pitt is ahunk and all.. but the bottom line is the movie is not as great as advertised. Kinda like the advertisement for KFC OR FILLET BURGER.... It false advertising that one if you ask me... the burger is way smaller than its shown. I MEAN WAY WAY WAY Smaller....

I did finally watch Star Wars EP III. Was good I have to admit. Went to berjaya timesquare to watch it. Weird thing is its at GSC also but it only cost RM8 before 6pm shows and weekends and after 6pm shows only cost RM9. Mid valley is cost much more... wonder why...........

Just waiting to watch ... NARNIA.................. hoooo hoooooooooooooooooooooooo
and also the Interpreter...................

June.........

Its about this time one year ago, I got my first offer to leave big O after being 6.5 years there. Its almost a year now... can you believe it?

Time sure flies. brings back memories about the emotional turmoil I went thru during that period of time and how the world just went down hill and never stopped.

How am I faring now as its been a year now? I would say, that window of opportunity gave me the courage to leave the place which had lost its luster to me but yet I hung on just becoz I was too afraid of the unknown. I wouldn't say that I am totally happy everyday of my life since I left.

I miss my old friends.. I miss the familiarity ... Unfortunately, nothing last forever.

Just couple of days ago, I got both sms-es and emails telling me that 2 of the people whom I would say quite close to me in my previous company has tendered and left the company. Funnily when I called one of them, she told I am the first to congratulate her while others kept telling her that she made a mistake. She told me that she is afraid. I told her, I felt the same way when I left. Filled with fear and anxiety. Consoling her was like just me consoling myself. I told her that it will eventually get better...

But did it get better for me? I am still having sleepless nites. Esp this week, I can't sleep, I can barely eat. I had 2 escalation this week while the bloodee indian bonnie just sat on his big fat arse and did nothing except a 85 format proof reading document. The work load is definitely not equally distributed

And to add on to the problem, this lab admin who is also my team mate doing the same work but with additional role as lab admin has threaten me. See, he is very very extremely unhappy with bonnie. But he is chicken shit.. he doesn't want to complain but instead asking the rest of us to complain then he will complain. He gave me an ultimatum during lunch yesterday, he said, okay in your 1 to 1 with yoda ( nickname we gave our boss but just fortunate, she is neither cute nor as adorable as yoda but her height matches hehehehe) to spill the beans about bonnie. I said if you want to tell go ahead but you can't dictate what I want to say in my 1 to 1. Then he said this , if so then don't ever come look for me with work relate things esp the lab. WHAT THE !*@&#(*!&@#*!. whats happening to the team?

For me, I just do my work, I need to get my numbers up.... thats all. Get my fricking salary and dream of a future away from this corporate crap.

Actually bonnie has a nickname we call him at work its 42.... :) have you ever watch that awful not fully english comedy on tv.... the no 42 at ....
hehehhee.

My mood has better today. Thurdsay and friday was pretty foul as problems just kept piling up and I hate the bloodee developers in the US. Bloodee arrogant group of s (!&@#*(&!@. Yesterday I was at work at 6.40am... doing some CBT training before the meeting at 10 and also to complete one of my cases.

This weekend I am just gonna snooze my brains out.

God's Will

I subcribe to the Jesuit Website where they will send you the day's reflection.

Today's was God's Will

Immaculate Heart of Mary: Saturday, 4th June 2005 (Lk 2:41-43,45-46,48-51a) Dear Friend in the Lord, God’s Will: Jesus stayed back in the Temple to teach about His Father. Are you able to sense God’s Will in the different challenges that you are facing daily? Could it be to pray more regularly, spend more time with your family or to serve the Church or the poor more readily? Listen to the Spirit in your heart. Fr Philip Heng, S.J.

Do you know then whats God's will for you?
I think I have reflect harder and take more quite moments to find out what the spirit is telling...............me

My Greatest Fear....

Recently, I have begun to identify more clearly about my fear. I am constantly in fear. My anxiety is relatively high almost on a daily basis. Can't imagine rite? Well thats the fact.

I dont' sleep well. and these days don't even think straight no more.

I am able to define one of my greatest fear. I have loads but one of the biggest one is growing old alone without anyone beside me. Of course then that would relate to my status of being single. I know my parents is not going to be here forever. There will come a time when they would too need to leave this place called earth to be with God.

What will become of me then? Can i rely on my sibillings who have their own family to care for.

Why this fear? I guess if you are someone who has loads of friends who are by your side and you have friends whom you spend alot of time with or alot of friends, you probably won't be feeling this.

I am a person who is more skewed to being introverted. I am very cautious about bla-ing things to people. Therefore, probably harder for people to get to know me. I personally feel that I am a nice and good person minus the torrent temper sometimes.

Dunno why its so tough to find a person to share my life with. You know what else, I think part of the problem is that I dont' go out much. I hate parties, I dislike bars.. discos... The smokes kills me.. I enjoy things i wish sometimes, I can find friends or just a activity partner to share with.

Some people tell me to pray harder. I guess praying hard for the last 10 years should account for something. I don't know. But nothing has yet to happen. I feel like giving up as I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel.

FYI, i never thought I will ever blog and tell people about me! Coz ME = Personal. unless i know and trust you enough :P

Blogging for me is an indication that I have come a long way in letting people know abit about me. Prior to this, you probably have to spend a gazillion hours with me before you get to know the real me :)

Imagine my best friend is someone I knew from kindy????!?!?!?! But unfortunately in this past year, I have lost her to this cult..... Which almost got me too but thank God that He made me realize it.

I hope my greatest fear will not become a reality.....
Therefore, my readers..... please keep me in your prayers as I know you have found people to share your life with. I wish for that too... SOON.................

Pointy Shoes

Alrighty... by now, if you have been reading my blogs you would know that I have this obsession with shoes and bags.

But unfortunately, the shoes sold these days I can't really wear 'em. Why?? coz I have broad feet and i can't really squash them into those pointy front shoes.... I am already nursing shoe corn right now.... i can't afford to get more.. dang!!!!!!!!

Gosh... I need those square toes and chunky heels to be back in fashion. Will they ever be back!!!

I miss you!!!!!! :(

RestRooms and all that............

Public TOILETSSSS or a better way of putting it, Public Restrooms. Hmmm.. Okay, I pretty much sick of the sight of our public restrooms. I think every M-sian , can identify with my view of the public restrooms. People would think that office restrooms are better but some can be horrifying too.

I recently was attending training at one of the tech training center in town. One thing I am not able to understand and still dont' is why the heck people have to spray the whole toilet seat wet!?!?!?!??! Granted that we know certain " group " of people don't use paper as they are not permitted to use toilet paper hence they need the water pipe thingy in the stall.

But for heaven's sake , think of the rest of the users too. The blinking thing is wet!!!! how do you expect one to sit on it. Something worse when u go to the public restrooms in malls and all, where you have to pay a fee to get in and you get in and the place just reeks of ammonia and the floor is wet!!! like it had rained non stop. You get into a stall and find tissue paper everywhere and sometimes pee on the seat and such.

And you wonder why people choose to squatting on the seat covers instead of sitting!!!!
Doesn't take a genius to figure that out.

I think M-sians should actually change their attitude. THey suck. I dont' think anyone likes to pay or go into such a horrendous place to do their nature call.

Maybe they should remove the water pipes.. .then it would be drier but would it be any cleaner? I DOUBT it...

The Untitled

Yesterday, I met up with LL and somethings she mentioned during the meeting touched home. Like how she said about prayer. Sometimes you don't need to say anything, just stay silent and tell the Lord to help you hear and feel.

Funnily, couple of weeks ago, i wrote in my journal that I don't know how to pray. yesh I keep a journal which I the first line is DEAR JC. So this kinda touched home, in a way, I actually didn't have to say anything. All I had to do is lift up whats in my heart to JC.

I wonder sometimes why people are drawn to religion? I myself wonder too sometimes. But as i wonder about it, i also know that eventhough I have doubts and somethings that I disagree on sometimes but i will always return to my good old faith. Why? maybe it gives me a sense of being rooted. Maybe people who don't have religion finds some consolation in other ways, like the priest once said all the -isms. Materialism, feminism.. blablablaa.. and make those as their religion.

sigh..................

still a lost soul........................

Updates from Kenya

I received my second letter from Kenya. I am very surprised as this one was dated in april too. Couple of weeks after the 1st one was sent. I am surprised coz she told me that she will be back home by end of May and its almost the end of May.

Her letter to me tells me that she has made a decision about what she wanted to do. It wasn't her calling to be full time in the missionary. To me its a beautiful letter. In this letter, she tells me that she now sees clearly what God's calling is for her which is to be in charge of her own family at home which over the year she has found it hard and let go of it all. she also discovered that this time away from home and in Kenya has made her realised that people is the one matters. Other people and not yourself.

she has in her letter to me suggested that i take this path to go to Kenya and experience it. As she find that it will give me the peace of mind and heart that I have been looking for.

I am not sure though but at least I know there is an option for me when i do decide.

Its great to receive letters like real snail mail instead of emails... :) Its so great to see the handwriting of a person.

I used to write home alot when I was in the US. and every holiday i went, i try to mail a post card home from the places I have been.

Sentimental person ... thats who I am... :)
maybe that is why its do difficult for me to put the past away.

Doing something for the Environment

As you know, I just came back from my nature trip :)
But I have been a MNS member for 3 years plus now. But unfortunately, I haven't had the chance to participate in any of the activities yet as the ones that I wanted to join is always full.

On thursday, I had to go to church for day of obligation - ascension day. Since mass is at 7.30pm, I decided to stop by Amcorp mall to go to the internet cafe. As you all know by now, the place I am staying in right now doesn't have phone line nor internet access.

While I was walking into the building, I was stopped by this guy dressed in a white tshirt holding a WWF logo. He was explaining me this and that balblabla. Trying to convince me to be a donor for WWF. I mean after going to the Elephant Santuary at Kuala Gandah, Pahang, I realized that its very difficult to conserve these animals and the cost is high. So they need funds and the only way to supplement the funds from the govt is to appeal to the public for monetary help.

So I decided that I want to help conserve the env for the future generation. Taman Negara being the last forest around. I wanted to help.... So i decided to donate 30 ringgit a month. Yes. that would be deducted automatically from my credit card every 4 months once. They are doing the forth monthly thingy to help save administrative cost.

We earn money , dont' you think we should do somethings for the society instead of being my colleague who talks about one day helping people and doing some missionary work but half the time she only buys gucci, LV stuff. ???? contridicts right?

Anyways, I should be sending a cheque ( or check as americans will type) to the Monfort Boys school. Help them survive.

I don't know how much this is considered a change but the little bit that I do, I hope someone will benefit from it.

The Labour Day Weekend

We had a long weekend last week. It was our labour day which happened to fall on a Sunday and automatically Monday is a public holiday.

I went on a 4x4 Adventure trip. So whats this trip all about. Well the activites in this trip are
1) White River Rafting
2) 4X4 off road ride
3) Visiting of santuary of Elephants and blablabla.

Anyhow, the trip was good, but seeing that it didn't rain in Pahang so the river was pretty low tide. Hence the rapids wasn't that many and ride down turned out to be less exciting. But before the ride we had to do all the water confidence thingy including jumping down form the rocks to the river where the water was pretty swift. And also the capsize activity. It was cool tho' But becoz i had to take off my glasses, my head hurts after that and I spent the rest of the evening at the hotel restroom, puking. Probably due to the heat.

The second day we went on a 4x4 ride at Sungai Chalit. Pretty cool.. got bruises to show it. We went in using Grade 2 Path and came back using Grade 4 path. The grade 4 one was totally awesome but at the same time pretty scary. 5 of us at the back and 3 of us standing in a row , holding on to the rails. :) I am still waiting for the pictures to be placed in the drive. The ones I took is only when the 4x4 stopped. We also stopped at the water falls which was totally cool.
This isn't my first 4x4 trip. I went for one couple years ago with my ex company. That was we had to camp. THis one, hehe.. we stayed in an aircon hotel.

All in all I thought the trip was pretty good. And paying about RM240 only. For me it was worth the money but for others I don't know. Some people complained it was too expensive.

Well since these days, I can only blog from the internet cafe during weekends, I shall load the pictures another time. :)

Gosh I miss the free internet access at work thingy. And my new place has no phone line.. Sucks big time.

The blues are singing again

I haven't been writing for awhile. Why? Just that the roller coaster is that down position at the 'mo.

The feeling got worse after I celebrated my birthday this week. Turning a year hasn't been this bad. I remember couple of years ago when I was changing age group, I dreaded it but it didn't feel so bad. But this year totally felt like SHIT.

I can't shake off that feeling....
A friend asked, if i would like to talk about it. Its not that I don't want to but its just that I don't know how to begin.

You know, I don't know who I am anymore. Sometimes, people wonder how can you say such nonsense. Have you ever felt the same way. Like you lost the person who you were?

Hot Tamales

Hot Tamales

YUMMMMYYY!!!. So wahts this Hot Tamales? Its Cinnamon Chewy Candy..

This was the pack i bought when I was in Houston. I had to eat bit by bit only coz this is the only packet i have left :). Its funny how, I already had planned to buy loads of this but due not having a car, i could only frequent those convenient stores in downtown. I found this pack which is 2 for USD1.00. I finished the other pack right after i bought it. YEAH, you got that right, the whole pack. :P

How did i get hooked with this hot tamales. Well Americans have weird taste in certain things. They like cinnamon alot and this soft drink called DR. PEPPER. Well I will stay clear from Dr. Pepper. It taste like Cough Syrup if you ask me. thats something I never caught on eventhough I spent 3 years in the States while studying my BA Degree.

But Hot Tamales i got hooked. I was introduced to this by a course mate - Beth. She used to chew alot of these when we had our group meetings. The first taste of it, it just cuts your tongue with the taste esp with the first one. Then the subsequent ones, you will love it. I went to WallMart and bought many many boxes of it. Yeah, the packaging was different in the midwest.

Anyhow, if you have a chance to try this, let me know what whether you like it. my younger brother, said yuck to it. Mom was being polite saying its okay. hehehe.

But regardless of what ppl think, I like it!!!!
Its an acquired tasted. hehehe.

A letter from Kenya

Remember my friend who decided to throw everything she had here and go to Kenya to do missionary work? Well, I received a letter from her today. Well an aerogram to be more precise.

Kenya from her description isn't an easy country to be doing missionary. Besides preaching and evangalizing, all these priests have to care for these people's meals too and also to find ideas to help these people develope in terms of being self sufficient.

When you think about this, dont' we have alot to be appreciative for. Here was have stuff yet we complain, about how bad our country is balbalbala. Moving and emigrating to another country to find a better future while these people in Kenya doesn't have time to think about future when they have to think about surviving today.

My friend mentioned in her letter that many many times, she felt like packing her bags and leaving. Being a lay missionary there, she also have to help carry stuff, like manual labour. of course being a girl and being raised in a pampered way, she is totally not used to this. yet she perservered.

I believe that would make her a better person.
She has been there since Feb 21st.......... how time flies. She was worried that I wouldn't receive her letter until after she come back next month.

Time sure flies, I wonder when I will have the courage to let go of everything and follow this unbeaten path.

This Old man....

I just had to blog this down.

Well I have been working at this particular area for about 7 years now. I sometimes go to this big and famous mall in KL to eat as its walking distance from work.

Well I like fast food. I know I know its fattenning but what the hey... got to live life once in a while.
Well I used to go to burger king, coz that time they didn't have Mc D yet but now they do. When I frequent this burger joint, I used to see this quite elder man. Well in our normal not so politically correct term , we would say OLD. yuppers. He would buy himself a whopper meal and seat down and eat happily. I have seen him many occasions dining there. Whats so interesting about this.

Well i got me thinking, my dad is about 60 hates fast food , all sorts. But this man..... he seems to enjoy it.

What triggered me to write this was, just this week, I decided to go to KFC to try the curry crunch thingy. GUESS WHAT!?!?!?! I saw him there seating and enjoying his KFC meal.. AWESOME mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

This is so cool so it kinda changed my perception that the older generation dont' like fast food. We have a avid fan, people!!!!! :)

I wish I had a camera phone then I can capture his picture... Cute little old man. Little as in petite....

2nds and 3rds

When I travelling from the airport from the hotel in Houston, the cab driver who was a pretty talkative striked a conversation with me. He was talking and talking and one of the topics was about shopping.

Well besides that he also in the same line of conversation revealed that he is a fat gay guy.. hmmmmm. I mean he used that exact words to describe how some ppl have decided thats what he is. Well, I just smile. Thats me and my smile.

Anyhow, he was asking me where i went blabalba and such. I said i went to the Galleria, katy mills. and he said that Katy Mills, you should have gone there, the stuff they sell there are 2nd and 3rds! You should shop at Nieman Marcus during their sales which is only twice a year....

Hmmm.. i was blur when he said 2nd and 3rds but I guess he kinda saw the expression on my face and went to explain further. The stuff at Katy Mills which happens to be a factory outlet are things that are rejected coz they have some sort of defects. But of course sometimes you can find good stuff.

I bought 3 pairs of pants at Banana Republic. Guess what! after I came back and wore it, i found a small tiny hole on one which I didn't even noticed earlier and one where the buckle kinda sway to the side when you seat. Like senget lah.. if you know what means...

Aisey.. i sim tiah lah. Coz not cheap also for me eventhough its from factory outlet. Coz USD converted to our currency is hopeless.

But at least I added some words to my vocabulary. Oh yeah, he was also describing the bling bling he bought at neiman marcus last year during the sales.. hehehee. funny having this converstion with a guy and that person happens to be your cab driver!

To Commemorate and Remember

I attended the mass in honour of Pope John Paul II at Assumption Church on 7th of April 2005. All catholic churches around KL and PJ held masses for JP II on this day. Even in St. John's cathedral in KL, people of all walks of faith and also some VIPs attended the mass. My younger brother attended mass there on this day. In the mass that I attended, the priest who celebrated the mass, never once used the word mourn. Instead he said to commemorate and remember the pope and to celebrate that he is with our father in heaven now.

Some people may wonder why spent all these long hours queuing to see the pope for the last time. I mean people in Rome , at least got a chance to pay respect to him in person and see him laying in state. But people around the world , may not have been so fortunate, yet with Pope John Paul's picture placed big and visible in the church, people line up to pay respect, place flowers. Why? some may see this as crazy. He was our church leader. Though many don't know him personally but he has spoken to us from afar and touched many. In each mass, his name was mentioned. We prayed for him in masses around the world when he was the reigning pope.

People queue up for hours becoz they felt a sense of connection with him. We want to pay the last respect to this wonderful, extra ordinary person who has been part of our lives for such a long time. Not to mourn but to remember and celebrate that he is with God now. Till his last breath he was the servant of God. A person, that people will remember for his spiritual life for a long time to come. A person who believes in simplicity till he wants to be buried in bare earth. A person who is so much like us - a human but yet holds the high rank in the sense of spritiual. A person with humility and humble.

If you watched CNN, on friday, there was a segment about the pope's photographer - Atturo. Even at his death bed,he called his photographer and told him Atturo Atturo, thank you. Isn't that wonderful, even at this time, he still remembers and still so humble. Never arrogant in his ways and actions.

One of his last words that touch alot of people when he was lying in bed waiting for his final hours and he was told of the many young people who has come to the vatican ctiy. and his words were so touching...........

The Pope's last audible words, on hearing tens of thousands of young people singing in St. Peter's Square as he lay in his deathbed, Friday, April 1, 2005: I sought you out and now you come to me. Thank you.

Thats the beautyl of this pope.... he is a pope who supported the youth and the young.

i leave you with this link : In His Words
http://www.cbc.ca/news/obit/pope/pope_quotes.html

P/s In the view of people always criticizing the catholic church, the pope for his stand on abortion and contraception, I believe that the pope did the right thing by the dogma of the church. Catholic church is filled with tradition and if you choose to follow a religion, i guess you have to choose to follow it all the way thru. Not easy at all...............

Passing of Pope John Paul II

Pope John Paul II passed on at 9.37pm (Rome) time.
Its a moment of sadness to many catholics around the world.

He was for 26 years the head of our church. A man who about 1billion catholics around the world look up. He was their leader. A leader who such a spritual man. If you were watching CNN, would know that the world thought of him as a courageous man, an extraordinary pope.
Yes, thats what he was EXTRA Ordinary.

I was watching CNN, yesterday and something the Vatican Analyst said really touched me. He said that the pope was following the foot steps of st. peter and also st. paul - he was travelling around the world evangalizing. If you know, the stature of pope was first hold by st. peter. St. Paul was the evangelizer. Therefore, he said that if Pope John Paul II was to follow both St. Peter and St.Paul's steps , he has achieved that.

He also said that JP II wanted to show the world that as a pope he too suffer. To suffer is part of the christian faith. And he didn't want to hide the fact that he was sufferring too. being a christian is to embrace sufferring.

For years, JP II was a figure that the world looked up too. If anyone were to say the pope, we always visualize this person who is full of awe.

The catholics around the world are now mourning for their beloved Pope John Paul II. But they are also waiting anxiously for the new pope. the New pope who will fill the shoes of such an acclaimed and admired Pope.

Pope nearing his death

Pope John Paul II, is the only pope i knew. He was made the pope in 1978 when I was just 6 years old. No wonder he is the only pope i know. Mom said that the previous pope, John Paul I only made thru being a pope for 33 days.

If you have read the biography of JP II, You would know that he is such an amazing man. A polish - the very first polish to be made Pope. All this time, pope were of Italian descendent.

I am sure right now, catholics world wide are praying for the pope. In a way, I feel sad that Pope JP II will be leaving us soon but if you have seen him on tv and how he has to now struggle to even get thru day by day, maybe its best that he goes to be with the Lord.

He is such a faithful man. A true servant of God, serving till his last hours. Imagine giving your whole life to just serve the Lord. 84 years old, reigning as a pope for over 20 years. Amazing.

JP II is a pope that very much focus on Youth. He started the world youth day. But unfortunately he won't be making it to the next world youth day which is due to be in Aug and in cologne, germany.

I was heard a story how the young people chanted outside JP II JP II in one of the world youth day. it was a lovely story but as age is catching up with me, I can only remember bits and pieces of it. That's the part i hate about ageing, you forget things. I like to capture everything and remember every details. That's me.

I will pray for the pope in his dying moments to have a peaceful death. It was already said that during this hour is itself he is already seeing christ. He is a man with outstanding faith.

The catholic community world wide will also be praying for the next pope and that our church will stay strong and united as before and that the cardinals with God's grace will choose the right next pope.

JP II will always be remembered. Jet setting Pope who travelled 104 out of 159 countries.
He is a man who has left permanent marks on many souls here on earth. He is in his waiting moments to return to the Almighty Father - the one he has been serving truely.

Downtown Houston

Here are some photos of downtown Houston. This was taken on the day when I arrived. Saturday 19th of February 2005.

When I arrived, I called a colleague who was already there for 1 week. Just took a quick shower and headed out. Unfortunately, it was Sat and downtown is dead. Nothing is opened. By the time we went out was about 4pm. Anyways, we went to the aquarium and there was a small little park just oppostie the aquarium.


Park at Downtown . There is a small (looks like monsoon drain) river or so running thru. ... i dunno!!! Not from houston. Pretty romantic place dont' you think??


Aquarium at Downtown. Abit weird that we didn't find out the entrance fees on USD8 is just to view the fishes in the aquarium. My colleague thought that includes the rides besides it. hahah. Anyways.. too big for rides don't you think??

Well, i have more pictures but takes time leh. Coz this hello thingy allows one picture to one blog. And this edit and copy and paste takes time :)

so some preview first.

Breezing thru

Since my feb till now, I have finished 4 books.

3 of course are romance related books

2 by my favourite author : mille criswell
1 by some author I forget.
1 by John Grippano : Pardon ( see not all are romance books)
The curious incident of the dog in the night time by mark Haddon.

of course since i wrote this entry and save it as draft, I am in the midst of reading another one already. :)

Rhinitis and me

Alrighty... my good friend Rhinitis has been giving me problems of late.

Who is this Rhinitis? Well, its that stupid friend that gives me stuffed up nose more often than not. Its a real pain in the !@*#!*@#*!(@&#. I have been having this nose block problem since young but lately since I touched the Big THREE O. Its been worse. I guess in a way, everything gets worse with age.

I have already called it sinus blablbalabla. Then one day, I was describing to the dr, and he told me its called sensitive nose. Alrighty.. a new term. Then I went on to see other drs in the future. Then I told them, do you have any problems.. I will yes sinus. how bad is it? is the very question each of them will ask. then I would say, well the other dr said its sensitive nose. Then he said, " actually the right term for that is Rhinitis". Whatever....

I cannot remember having this constant nose block. Most of the time, the nasal congestion is pretty bad. I can barely breathe freely. Then i started to hate flying coz it cause me really pain in the ear and head when I fly. I resorted to taking lots of nasal decongestion medication. About 1 year plus ago, I had such bad sinus infection that I was on MC for 10 blinking days.. Imagine that. i definitely do not want to go back to that day.

But a dr, told me that even if I were to go for surgery, it won't be guaranteed that it will be cured for life. Sucks huh.

Looks like I am stuck with my good friend, Rhinitis. A friend that gives me hard of breathing sometimes at the cinema, or whenI am having facial, or any place where suddenly I feel lack of air, and i start breathing really really hard. Its scary. I have once left a cinema in a hurry coz i felt the walls was coming in on me and I couldn't breathe. I left just like that to go outside where the air was circulating abit better.

Terrible huh. When I was in Houston, it was slightly better. There were days that it was totally clear and I could breathe and smell freely. Gosh it felt really really nice.

Hopefully, I will be able to find a traditional cure that can alleviate this suffering....

p/s i know I am still guitly of posting entries on my houston trip. hehe. Guilty as charged. Haven't done nuts yet.

Toyota Center - Houston

Toyota Center - Houston


Alrighty!!! It works. Figured out how to post from hello to my blog. Well, ringgit, doesn't need to have the same exact ID.

The above is the Toyota Center, there's where I watched the Houston- Rockets Vs Seattle- Sonic game. This picture was taken from my collegue's office room. not bad huh. Nice view and all.

Sorry I hven't been really up to do doing anything really. And yesterday's team meeting really put me really really extremely down.

hopefully this weekend I am up to at least journaling down my trip.

Abit of update

Alrighty, I arrived home yesterday at 7am in the morn. Its back to the grind today. Almost slept off while driving home from work. Body is going haywire.

I have wanted to write so much in my blog but as days goes on, i forget things so I need time to recollect.

errr thought of putting some pictures.. but stil can't figure out how to send the picture from hello to blogger... damn

too tired to think right now.... probably later on...

Houston Rockets Vs Seattle Sonics

Last nite, after work, the weather was getting chilly and I was getting sleepy.
There are two more malaysians here - well the same rank with me not someone like manager level. Since all 3 of us live in downtown , we usually meet after work and go for dinner.

Yesterday, one of them was invited to watch the Basket game at the Toyota Center which is pretty close to the office. And it was suppose to be boys nite out for his team. But 2 people backed out and he went to ask his boss whether he could bring us. So in the end, his boss, him , myself and another malaysian guy went for dinner and the game.

First we had dinner at this place called Massa. For once, I actually ate more than half of the food served. Imagine that..... The food was delicious.

The game was suppose to start at 7.30pm but we got there abit late and my friend's boss was such a nice guy. Unlike a boss at all. jokes and all. Very kind man. We walked to the Toyota Center and we sat at the higher level of the stadium. Game was good... got to watch all the things they had for the interval. The funny stuff the maskot did. The crowd was so responsive. when the Commentator said to make noise to support their team, they did just that. Asked them to stand, they did just that. Throwing t-shirts to the crowd from the center of the field and all.

It was such a great experience. Thanks to my friend or else I would have ended up sleeping at the hotel. Not sleeping actually, trying to fall asleep is more like it.

p/s I realized what I miss most in the US! I miss the shopping bit esp for beautiful leather shoes and handbags which are so cheap here compared to malaysia and they are my type those chunky heels ones.... mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn..........................

Comparison

Okie dokie, so far people has misinterpreted what I meant by unfriendly. Unfriendly in comparison to those americans I have met in the MID WEST and WEST COAST! Got that? I thought I put that in my previous blog too. But I guess people can just choose to filter out what they want to read and understand.

Of course, you as a person is entitled to your own opinion as I am with mine.

People tend to affiliate their experiences to things they encounter. Everyone's experience just isn't the same even if you were at the same place at the same time.

So.... learn to appreciate the difference and not always think that its just the way someone look at things. Maybe its not the way I look at things , its just the way I have experienced things that affects what I think of certain things.

Enough said!

Hello Houston

Hello Houston!

I touched down in Houston on Sat 19th Feb 2pm Houston time. The flight was long and tiring. But at the port entry which is Dallas Forth Worth airport. I went thru the immigration pretty quick and with no hassle either. A malay colleague was right infront of me and she breezed thru it too.

So all the worries for nothing. I know I know - what you're going to say ringgit.

Anyhow, I realized I miss the USA alot but I find the TEXANS arrogant and unfriendly. So unlike the MidWestern and the Cali people. I miss the feeling of carefreeness and alot of other things. I just miss it thats all I can say. So its a great opportunity to be back here but if it was permanent it would have been better. But beggers can't be choosers so take what you can get.

The portion of food is huge here. I can barely finish my meal everytime. Its such a waste. And I have been awake for more thatn 24 hours now. Its scary. Coz I can't sleep.......... Still jetlag.

Will write more later....
downtown is dead... should have stayed at uptown... the happening place.

Almost the end of the road....

Alpha is almost at its end. But unfortunately, I will missing quite a number of topics as I will be away. one of the most important topics which I really really wanted to know was " What do I want to be for the rest of my life" But unfortunately, that one will be held at the away weekend which I have paid but unable to go. Hence I am giving it away to anyone who wants to go but can't afford it.

But my friend who is one of the facilitator said that I can go for the next new session and specifically attend the topics which I missed in this session. lets see how it goes.

The last topic discussed was How does God Guide us? which I find pretty good.
I have to say that eventhough I have had my doubts along my journey of faith but I can at times that God is holding my hand and guiding me. Eventhough I may not like the outcome sometimes.

Sometimes when I am angry with God, I realized that I can never hate Him. Coz I still go back to Him no matter what. He is our heavenly Father who has craved us at the palm of His hand. I think no father would want the worse for His children.

I am blessed to have him guide me. I am blessed that he has given so much. Even little things like parking space when I am dire need of it, I say a short prayer...

May my faith always stay true.

Been Fooled

Remember my previous blog? I wrote about the new seating arrangement in the open concept office? BLOOODEEEE HECK! I got con!

Those two twirps fooled me. They actually hadn't seen the plan. But they lied to me, one of them confessed before I left from work today. He said since you're going off, I going to tell you that we lied to you about the seating arrangement. We didn't seen it YET eventhought the TL promise she will show it to us..

Cheezzzeee I got Fooled. and its not even April fool's day yet.

So peeps there's still hope.... pray pray pray....

Pray for me good trip too..

Ciao....

Bad News

Just this afternoon I received some bad news. If you remember in an earlier post, I mentioned that I was praying hard that I won't have to sit with Bonnie M? Well i have bad news, Not only I will be sitting next to bonnie M but my face will be infront of me and my team lead on my other side. Doom man... and my monitor will facing the aisle.... main aisle whats more. So people have you been praying for me? Guess not huh!?!?!?!

totally depressed. On top of that, I am due to leave on a business trip tomorrow and I am having this nasal congestion. How to travel? Damn I hate it... when things goes bad, it just gets worse.

Losing the inches

Sigh, yesterday I felt abit depressed. Why? coz its the first time I have measured my waist since I quit gym about 1 year + ago. Guess what!!! OMG! Its grown 3 inches!!!

Damn! Got to do something about this soon. Or else it will keep expanding and I will be an obese person walking down the streets. Can't let that happen.

I will have to formulate an exercise routine soon. But joining another gym is totally out of the question lah! got to save and not spend more money! Thought of joining yoga! But that doesn't make you lose weight.... damn....

Okie adding to my list of things to do!!! Loose the bloodee inches.

Also, I think I should give up the word SHIT! for Lent! wonder if I will be successful hahahha! SHIT SHIT SHIT.. lets say it until I am puas now! Lent begins now for 40 days and then comes Good friday and then Easter!!!!!!!!! How fast time flies... dang!

ke-ching!!!!!

Alrighty!!!!! Its already that 5th day of CNY. Tomorrow its back to work.. sucks man. But what choice loh. I need to settle somethings at work tomorrow. Abit scary if you ask me as time is running out.....

This year's CNY collection is not bad wor!!!! Ke-ching ! Ke-ching! XXX figure wor!
Can cover the cost of my boots hehehe yahoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.. but of course I will be putting it all in the bank ;P HAHA! Yeah rite!

I'm not crazy but I'm just a little unwell...

Have heard that before , you must have, it plays on the radio occassionally and sung by match box 20.

I'm not crazy but I'm a just a little unwell..... :)

This caught me one day when I driving to work. I was also feeling depressed then I realized that sometimes we say a person is crazy la siow lah.. blablabla lah... but then its a nice way to look at it that the person isn't crazy , just feeling unwell at that particular phase of his/her life.

I like it... :)

Constantine

Yesterday, i went to watch Constantine with my friends at MV. Well, the movie was not too bad esp when you have a handsome guy to look at. Well I have to say keanu reeves being 41, he still look really really good!!!!!!

The story itself is quite intriguing but of course how Angle Gabriel was depicted in the movie isn't very nice. Anyways, should just watch just as a form of entertainment. I like the part where the movie ended with the phrase - God works in mysterious ways. Isnt that true?

My Once A Upon a Time Life

Sometimes I think about the phases of my life that I went through. Its not easy really living thru the years.Sometimes I dont' know what I am living for. I walk thru life in a state of blurness, if there is such a word.

There's the Primary school phase, I can't remember much about it but I remember some of the faces esp those who were in my circle of friends. sometimes, out of the blue, I will think about them. Its amazing, how I can still picture how they look like very clearly. That's the amazing part of my memory. I can remember faces very well. But I can also say, of late I choose to remember things I want to remember. There were some significant events during that part of my growing up. I remember during standard 4, going to school with a big patch of bandage on the left of my face. Couple of stitches due to the reason, I fell from the bike being the pillion not the rider. My brother was the rider. Bike as in Bicycle. Anyways, that scared me for life. Even when I started working, people saw the scar as fresh. Some even asked me whether it was just recently I had the fall and when did it happen. How to explain hor, that it happened when I was in primary school?

of course, from the age of 5, I learnt ballet, piano, organ - you name it. I enjoyed ballet classes till I ws 12, almost completed all the stages they had but due to the constant complaining of stomach ache, my mother decided, its not good for me so I quit. Piano continued till I finished grade 8, I even started the diploma classes half way, then I quit. Why? Coz I didn't know what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I finished Grade 8 when I was in form 4. Well what do you expect, I started piano when I was 5!!!!.

sometimes when I think back, I had the opportunity to choose a different path, like maybe be a piano teacher or something. But at the point in my life, I just didn't want that. I wanted the glamourous life of the corporate world. Did I really?
From standard 4 till standard 6, I was a prefect in school. Then in standard 6, I was elected to be the head prefect for the school. So young yet the responsibility so high. Maybe that really cultivated the serious nature in me which till today I can't shrug it away.
Secondary school, move from a saint named school to a methodis girls school.... Some of my primary school friends were in the same school too. But we were not in the same class. Funny, how my mind always drift back to the times in secondary school sometimes. I remember faces, the happy times, the sad times, the times that changed my life forever. Its so important what the teachers say to you during that time. How my confidence was crushed and was never recovered totally. I should spend more time going thru the times of my childhood maybe then I will be able to identify what made me like this.

Almost made the head school girl again when I went back during Frm 6 but i didn't want it, didn't even want to be a prefect anymore.Tired of it lah. almost my whole school life I was a prefect. never can break rules but always have to uphold them. So I declined the position of a head girl but remained a prefect until the day I left secondary school. I was a sprinter in school. Also Badminton and netball were my games. As for netball, I always played center - a role where you have to run alot. but i like it. I want to share with you this experience I feel when I run. I feel so free so spirited. So light, so free from all the burdens. But I used to suffer alot too. I used to have knee pain all the time. When it rains sometimes my knee feels like so painful - almost like someone who has rhumetism. At least its much better now.

That was my life during my childhood days. If my parents didn't stop me from being so involved in games, I would have maybe taken a different path. I would say that my parents decision, has actually affected my decisions on being what I want and being what they want me to be. This goes on even till university. Being born in an asian culture, we are so torn in respecting our parents decision or in following what our heart tells us.

This career wasn't one which I would have chosen for myself. Before I left for the States to study, I told my father that I like psychology. I like dealing with learning about people, about society, about the things that deal with communication. I wanted to Study Psychology. You know what he told me? If you were to use my money and I am to send you so far for your education, I will not allow you to study psychology. so it was either accounting or computer sc. I hate math. I hate math I hate math..... But I had no choice, do I did it. I compromised, I did a major in Management Information Systems. I would say that I breezed thru the humantities class, the social sciences class and the business class with no problem. No problem with math either - algebra, calculus. Basically I did very well in Univeristy. Abit of struggling with programming tho - had a really traumatic experience there but I did okay I would say. But I still am afraid of it.. Its plagued me all this while and still is plaguing me. I still am not able to cross that hurdle that my very first manager told me. I see in you, you can do it.... once you cross that hurdle you will do well. I cant' cross that hurdle, i still have nightmares about it.
Over the years, I lost touch with the person inside me. I dont' even know who I want to be anymore? I long for a life far from the corporate world. But due to the demands of this world, I have to carry on.

But life shouldn't be that way. right? There should be more to all this.... Will I ever find courage to cross the hurdles placed infront of me. Will I ever be able to bury "fear" from my life and move on with faith and courage? Only time will tell.

How much for a hair cut?

Just came to my mind that I had watned to write about this but unfortuatnely due to restriction on internet access it kept slipping my mind when i am actually infront of a pc.

Recently before chinese new year, my friend went to Mid Valley. She went there to get herself a hair cut and to color her hair. Guess how much did it cost her?!?!?!?!? RM400!!!!!! okay I have to say the highlights as what she calls it is very nice. But isn't it a hole in the pocket to spend so much on your hair???

Do you know how much I spend on my hair cut? Just wash and cut? RM12 !!!!! hahaha yeah exactly and if i wanted to go somewhere more expensive its about 30 ringgit. That's all I spend.
If i had a perm , i would have cost me 100+ but less than 150.

So I don't think I can bring myself to spending RM400 on my hair!!!!

I have colored my hari before but I bought it from the pharmacy and did it myself! Which I felt turned out pretty well too.

But since close to 3 years now, I haven't colored my hair nor perm my hair.... due to some reason which I don't care to mention in my blog....

I am not bad mouthing my friend but I have to say this though. She always complains that she doesn't have money and she has maxed out her credit card but she she still has the heart to spend so much on her hair. Amazing mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn..................

Anyways... there is onething I have had to tahan each time I went out with her and her sister is that they always try to parasite on people. like pretending to pay you back for the movie tickets or the meals when one person paid first. Initially when that happened, I didn't quite bother, I thought maybe they genuinely forgot loh. But after that day when i found out about the 400 ringgit hair dressing escapade, I realized.... i am the bodoh one!

How the 1st Day went?

Well, i had the worse nite last nite. The stupid FireWORKS and not firecrackers was blasting till almost 2am. 2 of my inconsiderate neighbours kept playing chain fireworks the whole bloodee nite. It finally stopped at around 2am. And I found out from my mom, a police patrol car did turn up hahaha. Server those buggers right!!!!

On top of it all, its Ash Wednesday and have to wake up by 6.30am to be in church by 7am for mass. As that's the only mass for Ash wednesday and the next one is for CNY mass which is 9am and the other Ash Wed mass is in the evening. I didn't have enough sleep, it really cheeses me off.

Came back from church I haven't sat down till now. Had to help mom with alot of things as relatives comes over on the first day and friends too......... well, I haven't had friends visiting me since the day I left school so it doesn't make much different :P

Stood the whole morning frying this sotong balls. Have to put it in egg yolk and then in the jacob cracker ( which I had to pound to find power like). Then fry.. all bloodee 4 packs ah.. dont' play-play. So now my feet is aching.

That's the first day of new year... what a start...

3 Significant Event today

Today symbolizes 3 main events. Firstly, its my dad's birthday. Secondly, its chinese new year eve and thirdly, its my sis-in-law 6 months death anivesary.

Today as its both CNY and my dad's birthday, we will be having the usual potluck at my uncle's place. Maternal side. We have stopped going to our paternal side after my step grandmother decided that she is too unwell to be visited by us and she rather spend it with HER daughters. Anyways, doesn't affect my life :) . My grandfather passed away the final year of my university abroad so i never did get a chance to attend his funeral that was abouot 9 years ago now. But I remember offerring a mass for him and I did speak to the Priest at the Catholic Student Center.

CNY doesn't really have much impact in my life these days esp after I grew up in a sense. I used to look forward to CNY but these days , I only look forward to it becoz its public holiday and we get two of it.

this year, I only got 1 pair of new outfit, but its work attire. Sigh.... didn't really find anything nice and furthermore. .imagine everyone will be wearing the same old stuff... that's the bad part about commerialized goods.

Anyways.. may this year bring us alot of prosperity and good luck and good health.
And may this year be the year I find the mission in my life.

GoD Bless.

Chic Lit

Yesterday I was at the mall, I went to the bookshop.
If you have read odissi's blog before she posted about this book Elegance by Kathleen Tessaro. I wanted to get that book. I walked around the fiction section and I couldn't locate it. Then walked sommore and bingo! i saw the book. Guess what beside the book there was this shelf label sticking out that states : CHIC LIT.

Never knew such category existed. HAHAHA. Ringgit was there too and he was surprised there is such a thing called Chic Lit.

something new to add to your vocabulary.......

Food for Thought

Recently, I have had alot of thoughts that I felt i should blog down. But due to some reason, not being able to get online everyday, I was not able to. As you all know, sometimes you have these great thoughts and wished that you could pen it down immediately. Coz you're afraid you might just forget it... thats what happened to me.

I leave for work pretty early in the morning and when i reach home its almost dark. I was in a traffic queue after work today and this car infront of me had this bumper sticker which read

There are No Great Things. Only Simple things with Great love

Isn't that a beautiful phrase? I guess you don't need to do great things in life, just do things with love. Then again, I hate working life so how can i do it with love hehehe. Go figure!

Then just a few days ago, I was driving to work and it was still pitch dark - around 710am and i was at the traffice lights and I turn to my left and saw this words as part of the billboard. I couldn't read the first part but only the tail end part of it and it read "Hidup ini mesti ceria"
Interesting huh? Did you guess what ad it was for? Well, Cabdury Chocolate!!!!! :) Isn't that cool?? I am sure you guys have driven pass this billboard many times but yet didn't really see it.

Okie I have to make my hidup more ceria.

I have to admit, the missing link is still missing in my life. Yesterday, I went to alpha and had a chance to speak to Lynda, the lady who intro me to Alpha. I mentioned to her that recently I feel very distant frm God. She asked me " You feel like there is a missing link?" I said yes exactly that. She said its good that you recognize that, pray that God will open your eyes and ears and heart. Ask him to help you cross that link to be closer to Him. Now that's a mission!!!!

Just a little update on Bonnie M, I guess I only have to tolerate him for another month before we move floors. Well I am gonna be positive that I won't be placed near him. Please Lord, please help me. Or else I might just go insane.....